


Where I'm meant to be

by amithia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Make it better, Rewrite the ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:14:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26807968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amithia/pseuds/amithia
Summary: “I would have done it all over again if I had to. No matter what.”Arthur clenched his jaw and the air around them suddenly felt colder. “Because it’s your destiny?”Merlin searched out his gaze deliberately this time, opening himself up because... because this was important. “Yes,” he whispered, then smiled. “And because I belong with you. I always have.”
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 163





	Where I'm meant to be

**Author's Note:**

> I have been feeling kinda vulnerable and melancholic today so I vented and this... ensued 😅

Arthur nearly fell off his horse, losing consciousness as they arrived to the lake of Avalon and for one, horrifying moment, Merlin thought he was too late. That Arthur died just seconds before he managed to drag him to the water.

His hands moved frantically over Arthur’s unconscious body as he struggled to bring him down off the horse as safely as possible and he let out a huge breath of relief as his fingers felt over his weak but definitely-still-there pulse point on his neck.

“Hold on. Just hold on for me, Arthur. We’re nearly there,” he whispered, begging, and used all the strength he had left to get them both deep enough that their lower halves were submerged in the water. He tried to arrange Arthur’s body to lay horizontal but the armor was so heavy it nearly dragged them both down. He decided to call for a little of his magic to make sure that Arthur stayed above, just for a little longer. He didn’t know what was going to happen and it scared him to death.

He let Arthur sink under only very reluctantly, afraid to let go of him for a single second. He watched with apprehension as his friend’s face, pale and lifeless, became blurry when the muddy water enveloped him, taking him under. With one last, whispered prayer, he let go completely.

Arthur disappeared under the water and time stopped for Merlin.

It felt like centuries, filled with torture and despair, as he waited for Arthur to break through the surface, although it must have been only minutes, maybe even seconds.

Just when all the hope started to leave him, ripples appeared that couldn’t have been caused by the wind or fish. As the ripples intensified, the hope in Merlin’s heart began burning anew, strong and bright. He forced himself to be patient, to just wait a few more seconds but as the silhouette of his friend became visible again, he couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Arthur!” His hands scrambled over the armor, pulling him up, pulling him closer and away from the lake, hauling him to the shore.

He fell down next to Arthur’s still unmoving body, searching for any sign of life, a faint pulse, an uneven breath, anything at all.

He took Arthur’s pale face between his palms, brushing the wet hair off his eyes.

“Arthur,” he choked out, trembling with the effort to not fall apart. Not yet.

It couldn’t end like this.

“Arthur? Arthur, are you-- can you hear me?!” Too desperate to be gentle anymore, he grasped at Arthur’s shoulders, shaking him forcefully.

_Just open your eyes, dammit! Open your eyes, you clotpole!_

“Arthur, can you--”

A groan cut off the rest of his question. “Gods, Merlin, stop yelling in my ear. Of-bloody-course I can hear you!”

And heavens, Arthur’s irritated voice had never sounded so sweet.

“You are--” Merlin’s breath hitched, too overcome with emotion and he did his best to blink back tears. “We did it. Gods, Arthur, we did it!”

Arthur wiped away the water from his eyes, coughing out some of it and with great effort, he raised himself up to brace himself on his elbows, looking at Merlin in a way Merlin had never witnessed before. “ _You_ did it, Merlin,” he corrected softly, his irritation gone. “You saved me.”

Merlin pressed his palm over his mouth, suppressing a sob. “Arthur, I thought-- I thought you...”

Suddenly stronger, Arthur hoisted himself into sitting position, tugging Merlin with him. “But I didn’t. I’m here, Merlin.”

Merlin shook his head, like he didn’t believe it. “Arthur, I’m so sorry. About all of this. This never would have happened if I were more cautious, more diligent.”

“Merlin, will you shut up?” Arthur complained in high-pitch. “You spent the past days literally dragging me here, all by yourself. And I’m still here.” He squeezed at Merlin’s shoulder to reinforce his statement. “Thanks to you.”

Merlin didn't hear him, too consumed with guilt. “I’m sorry I’ve waited so long to tell you. So long it was almost too late.”

“But it wasn’t. And I’m glad you told me.” His brow furrowed in displeasure. “And I apologize for how I took it. That was so very wrong of me.”

“No,” Merlin disagreed heatedly. “No, you have every right to feel that way. I lied to you and--”

“And nothing. It’s alright, Merlin.”

Merlin scoffed, calling bollocks on the statement. “Is it?”

“Yes,” Arthur insisted. “I’m not happy about it, but I understand. And I’m so sorry you’ve had to carry the burden alone.”

No. No, this was not right. Arthur hadn’t done anything wrong. Merlin couldn’t have him think that.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Arthur. None of this was your fault,” he bowed his head shamefully. “It’s me who’s sorry, I’ve lied to you all this time-”

“Merlin,” Arthur moaned, growing irritated again. “I _understand,”_ he repeated, deflating. He nudged Merlin’s chin, prompting him to look him in the eye. He smiled all-knowingly. “I know now. I know that everything you’ve done, you’ve done for me. And Camelot. The wonderful kingdom you’ve helped me built.”

Merlin fought the urge to look away, feeling himself blush. “You’d have done that without me,” he mumbled with no strength.

Arthur laughed, genuine and beautiful. “Maybe. Though I doubt that very much.” Then solemnly, “Everything I’ve achieved, everything I have got to be grateful for. It’s only because of you.”

Merlin laughed then too. Just because it felt so surreal. And he was so humbled, so thankful. “I would have done it all over again if I had to. No matter what.”

Arthur clenched his jaw and the air around them suddenly felt colder. “Because it’s your destiny?”

Merlin searched out his gaze deliberately this time, opening himself up because... because _this_ was important. “Yes,” he whispered, then smiled. “And because I belong with you. I always have.”

Arthur’s features evened out upon hearing the words and his lips parted on an exhale, like he was surprised. Like he hadn’t known.

How could he have not known?

“Merlin,” he finally spoke. “When we get back to Camelot, things are going to change. I can’t just stand by and be a part of the world where you’re not free.” Merlin opened his mouth to say something back, but Arthur stopped him with a raised hand. “When we get back, I’m going to lift the ban on magic. I never want you to have to live in fear anymore.”

Rendered speechless, Merlin could only stare. Gods, this was everything he’d ever wanted! But he couldn’t... he couldn’t have it. The timing was all wrong. Arthur was more important.

“Arthur. That-- you can’t-- people won’t accept that.”

“They will. Eventually, they will,” Arthur insisted. “I promise you.”

Merlin was shaking with the effort to not wrap himself around Arthur, to tell him how much all that meant to him, how wonderful he was. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t accept this.

“And if not? What are you going to do if they won’t? What if you’re forced to choose?” he said with a tremble. “I can’t put you in that position. I won’t.”

“You won’t have to.”

Merlin snapped his head up. “What do you mean?”

Arthur gave him this... look. This look that he always used when Merlin was being particularly dumb and ridiculous, but somehow endearing nonetheless.

“Merlin.” And oh, he’d never said his name like that before. “Don’t you know?”

Merlin blinked in confusion. “I...”

“Merlin, you must know...” He swallowed with difficulty. “You must know. There never was a choice.”

Oh. _Oh..._

“You--you can’t-”

“I can. And I will,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You said it yourself, Merlin. You belong with me.”

Merlin closed his eyes, feeling himself drift away. He knew this was it. He would never be able to say no to Arthur.

Arthur’s voice brought him back.

“Promise,” he said nervously. ”Promise you’ll stay with me.”

Merlin felt his heart break and mend together in a matter of a second.

“I promise.” He wrapped his fingers around Arthur’s hand, holding on for dear life.

_Please. Please, let this be real._

“Always and forever.”

Arthur’s breath left him in a whoosh and he laughed with relief. “That seems like a long time.” He squeezed Merlin’s fingers. "Are you sure you’re up for it?” he challenged and Merlin could hear the vulnerability in his voice, could see it reflected in his eyes.

He smiled a bit sadly. “It’s not nearly enough.”

“Merlin,” Arthur breathed and he sounded like he was in pain.

“Forever,” he repeated. “And long after that.”

“And here I always thought you an underachiever,” Arthur teased and that, finally, brought a real smile to Merlin’s face.

“Because you’re an arrogant prat.”

“Hey!” he protested. “You can’t take it back now.”

“Damn. What have I done.”

Arthur released Merlin’s fingers in favor of punching his arm playfully. Merlin noted it was much softer than usual. “You’re stuck with me.”

Merlin sighed in mock resignation. “I suppose there’s nothing I can do about it now, is there.”

“No. Absolutely no escape route,” Arthur confirmed, suppressing a chuckle. “And no take-backs. You’re doomed.”

“Indeed.”

They soaked up the easy banter for a while before it died down, the heaviness in the air bringing them back to reality.

Merlin jolted at the unexpected heat of Arthur’s hand palming his neck. “Merlin.”

“Y-yeah?”

Arthur’s eyes bore into his, determined and a little scared. “Forever, right?”

Merlin let out a barely audible whimper. His fingers came up to wrap around Arthur’s wrist and he turned his head slightly to press a feather-light kiss to it, as though sealing the deal.

He smiled at Arthur in a way that was reserved only for his king.

“And always.”


End file.
